By Josephine Oguntoyinbo

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Family dynamics can be complex, and the question of whether a woman should prioritise her spouse over her children or otherwise often sparks strong opinions. The answer varies depending on individual circumstances, cultural values, and personal beliefs.

This age-old question continues to be debated among married couples. Many women react strongly to the idea of putting their children second, asking, “How can you even consider it?” However, maintaining a strong marital relationship is crucial; not only for the couple, but also for the well-being of their children.

As relationships mature, partners sometimes stop making an effort to nurture their bond. When children arrive, the focus naturally shifts to their needs, making it difficult to prioritise time for a spouse. However, research suggests that a happy marriage positively impacts children by reducing stress, anxiety, and emotional distress.

Marriage, by design, is meant to take precedence over every other human relationship. In many religious and cultural traditions, children are seen as a blessing of marriage rather than its primary purpose. Couples who dedicate all their energy to their children often find themselves disconnected once the children grow up and leave home.

Some couples realise too late that they have neglected their friendship over the years. If all conversations revolve around the children, it may be time to reconnect and remember what initially brought them together. A strong marital friendship forms the foundation of a healthy family environment.

Children are highly perceptive and instinctively recognise when their parents have a strong relationship. The best way to provide a stable, loving home is to nurture the bond between spouses. A solid partnership does not mean neglecting children; rather, it creates a healthier family dynamic where both the marriage and parenting thrive.

Naturally, when children are young, they demand significant attention. Parents often feel compelled to prioritise them entirely, even as they grow more independent. While it is essential to meet children’s needs, it is equally important to invest in the marriage.

Over time, children will build their own lives, but a spouse remains a lifelong partner. Would it not be better to continue enjoying that companionship rather than rediscovering each other later in life? Prioritising a spouse while raising children can also make parenting easier, as teamwork strengthens the family unit.

Different Perspectives:

 Spouse-First Approach

Stronger marriage foundation: A solid marriage benefits the entire family.

*Role modelling: Demonstrates healthy relationships for children.

* Emotional support: A strong bond helps parents navigate challenges together.

 Children-First Approach

 Immediate needs: Young children require constant care and attention.

*Developmental stages: Different phases of growth demand dedicated support.

*Parental responsibility: Parents have a duty to provide for their children’s well-being.

 Balanced Approach

Interconnected relationships: Marriage and parenting influence each other.

*Quality time

Prioritise time for both spouse and children.

*Communication and adaptability

Adjust priorities as family needs change.

Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. A balanced approach, where both the marriage and children are valued, leads to a healthier, happier family life.