Forgiveness can transform your relationship

By Josephine Oguntoyinbo
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Being able to say sorry is an indication of love. Apology and forgiveness are not static concepts, they involve mutuality and are ways of staying connected.

To forgive means to leave room in our hearts to embrace and ensure peace reign in our homes.

Being able to forgive one another teaches us to love one another and those around us in a Godly way, and it helps us to become more sensitive to the effects of our actions on others.

There is no doubt that forgiveness makes us better husbands, wives, parents, friends, colleagues, and people.

It is important to note that forgiveness is a process. You can intend to forgive, but you can not control the steps to forgiveness or how long it takes to get there. Whatever it takes, set yourself on a path of forgiveness and give yourself grace and time as you get along.

Furthermore, when we forgive one another, we are extending sacrificial love and our bond grows deeper. There are going to be times when we would need to offer forgiveness to our spouse, whether they have asked for it or not. Remember, when you do this you are freeing yourself from a prison of resentment. Forgiving one another as couple also help you to teach your children and people around you that forgiveness is key to a successful relationship.

In marriage, when you offend one another or there is conflict, we see our spouse as the cause of the problem without looking at what led to it, No one should hold criteria for forgiveness but, must forgive unconditionally.

Note that successful marriages are based on humility and forgiveness, it takes time to let go of those things you have no control over. Do not be shy or arrogant  to say sorry, it makes the other person knows that you care and understand him or her better.

Even though you may find it difficult to forgive, being able to do so is crucial in a marriage. Always have it in mind that “To err is human, to forgive is divine”.

Forgiveness are not static concepts,  they involve mutuality and a way of staying connected and moving on. To forgive is simply maturity.

Even though, forgiving your partner when they have done something to upset you, can be one of the hardest things to do in a relationship, but you must remember that Forgiveness is not  just about retaining harmony in your relationship; it is also about being kind to yourself.

Forgiveness can never affect but transform your relationship.

forgiveness empowers people and make you stronger. Experts believes that forgiveness can allow you to break the cycle of pain and move on to a healthier life.

Feminine line equally went round the town to interview people on the topic, and they have these to say. A civil servant, Mrs. Ajayi Charlotte, said “Forgiveness has helped me and my husband to move on than we thought we would ever be. After  two years of separation ,we reconciled about a year ago, we are growing stronger together and have forgiven each other for past hurts and will continue to forgive each other for things that are still taking place because nobody is perfect”.

 A trader, Mrs. Ibikunle Dupe has this to say” I noticed that I have been able to forgive much faster than my husband. He is a little bit tough. The most recent issues was when I lied about going to my mother’s house, he found out and was really hurt. Though I later realised that l should not have lied. I actually  told him why I lied due to his past reactions, this was about six months ago and he is still holding grudges against me, referring to the incident. I have repented and asked for forgiveness and nothing has changed. This is affecting the home somehow. However I will continue to pray and persuade him. Based on my experience, women easily forgive than men”.

Also speaking is a Corp member, Mrs Alajo Tinuke who noted that “I wish I would have been more purposeful about forgiveness  when I first started dating my husband. I really struggle with anxiety, then, when he did something that hurts me, I would become anxious, which was very difficult to deal with. My husband is a wonderful and caring man but then, I believed he did not love me the way I wanted to be loved.

“After a few months, I began to lash back instead of being sad and anxious, whenever  he did something wrong, I would become so angry, to me it was far easier than dealing with anxiety.

Eventually, when he did not change in the way I expected him to, I would hold on to anger, which I now realised is the root of resentment and bitterness towards him. After we got married, I realised the depth of my resentment, I struggle to mend my mistakes, It was actually a  sad experience because I believe not being able to forgive really affects my relationship and I am advising other women who are still dating to learn from this.”

On her own, a fashion designer, Mrs Owoeye Sarah, averred that forgiveness is a difficult process but a necessity.”Some years ago, I discovered that my husband have been communicating with his ex behind my back and lied to me that they are just friends. This really  triggered my anger because I feel betrayed and disappointed. I held on to the resentment and bitterness for long because of the ugly incidence but thank God for my church counsellor and other relationship sermons that changed my mind. I let go of my resentment in order to rebuild trust in my husband and ever since, we have been living in peace”.