By Maria Famakinwa
In many African societies, marriage is not simply the union of two individuals; it is the coming together of two families. At the centre of this union lies an ancient tradition: the bride price, commonly referred to as a dowry in some contexts. For generations, the payment of bride price has symbolised respect, commitment and social recognition.
Traditionally, the bride price carried a deeply symbolic meaning. It represented recognition of a woman’s value and respect for her family. It was never intended to be the purchase of a wife, but rather a demonstration of the groom’s sincere commitment to marriage. The practice also strengthened ties between families, turning marriage into a social pact supported by exchanges that reinforced solidarity and trust.
Within this traditional framework, the bride price reflected responsibility, the responsibility of the husband to care for his wife and honour the union. It therefore functioned primarily as a cultural and symbolic act rooted in community values and family cohesion.
Bride price not only makes the marriage legitimate, but also establishes the legitimacy of the children. By virtue of the payment of the bride price, the bride’s children belong to her husband. It entitles the children born into the marriage to bear the husband’s family name.
Essentially, the payment of the bride price makes the groom and his extended family the rightful guardians of all the children born within the marriage. It is regarded as an important ritual that ultimately seals the marriage.
Payment of bride price for non-virgins is extortion under African culture –Reno Omokri
However, as important as the payment of bride price is to our culture, there has been growing concern over whether bride price should be paid for women who are not virgins. One of those who belong to this school of thought is former presidential aide, Reno Omokri, who declared some time ago that only virgins should be considered brides, arguing that any money demanded for a non-virgin under the guise of bride price amounts to extortion.
Omokri contrasted this with the practice of bride price, which he said is rooted in both African culture and Jewish law, and historically applies only to virgins.
He said, “In African culture, as well as in Jewish tradition and law, a bride price is the money or property given by a man to the family of a virgin woman in order to marry her. This is backed by Exodus 22:17, which states, ‘If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride price for virgins.’
Similarly, among the Lukumi Yoruba, if the bride’s virginity is not confirmed on the white cloth (aso funfun) after the marriage is consummated, the marriage is not considered valid, and the bride price is returned.
“By African tradition and scriptural law, a man may marry a woman who is not a virgin, but such a woman is not regarded as a bride, and no bride price should be paid for her.
For instance, 1 Samuel 18:20–27 records that David paid a bride price for King Saul’s daughter, Michal. However, he did not pay any bride price for Abigail, as recorded in 1 Samuel 25:40–42.”
Omokri warned that if African societies do not return to what he described as traditional and scriptural norms, they would continue to suffer the consequences of moral decline.
Opinions differed when WEEKEND HOPE spoke with some elderly people and married couples. While some argued that the payment of bride price has nothing to do with virginity and should not be tied to it, others maintained that, according to cultural beliefs, a bride is expected to remain a virgin until her wedding night in order to bring honour and pride to her family.
‘Virginity not a yardstick for bride price’
In his submission, the Pastor of Shield of Faith, Mr Adewale Akinmusayo, maintained that virginity should not be used as a yardstick for bride price, as the Bible does not state that bride price should be paid only for virgin brides.
His words, “The assertion that bride price should only be paid for virgins lacks substantial support from both traditional Nigerian practices and biblical teachings. While specific biblical passages associate bride price with virginity, they do not establish it as a universal requirement. Customary practices in Nigeria have historically involved the payment of bride price regardless of the bride’s virginity status. Bride price is more of a legal and formal exchange, and virginity testing plays little or no role.
“We need to understand something. The bride price is a form of compensation and a means of ensuring the woman’s future security and honour. Crucially, the New Testament and Christian Theology do not affirm that a woman’s premarital status invalidates marriage rites. No canonical scripture states that the payment of bride price is permitted only if the bride is a virgin.”
Bride price is rooted in our traditions
Contributing to the discussion, a retired health official in her mid-seventies, Mrs Julianah Aregbesola, disagreed with the assertion that bride price should be paid only for women who marry as virgins, adding that such an idea is unrealistic in the present generation. She explained that bride price has its roots deeply embedded in traditional Nigerian weddings. It is seen as compensation to the bride’s family for allowing their daughter to join another family. It is a gesture of goodwill on the part of the groom’s family and should not be withheld irrespective of the bride’s virginity status.
Her words: “It is better we settle this issue once and for all. If a woman is getting married, her bride price should be paid, that is what our traditions demand. Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman to come together as husband and wife, irrespective of whether the woman is a virgin or not. Whipping up sentiment over the woman’s virginity status should be condemned, especially when no one is interested in questioning the groom’s virginity. If we claim that a woman should remain a virgin until her wedding night, the same standard should apply to the man. I think what should be more important is for the couple to live in harmony, not the issue of bride price, which some people are calling for its cancellation because they see it as retrogressive.”
Men should also remain virgins until marriage
In the contribution of a man, Mr Ayodeji Abdul who got married last year, he condemned the idea of using virginity as a yardstick for bride price, describing it as archaic. He maintained that the payment of bride price is rooted in culture, irrespective of whether the bride is a virgin or not.
He said, “If you want to get married, you must pay the bride price. This issue of virginity and bride price is funny to me, because being a virgin has nothing to do with being a good wife. All that matters to most men is marrying a good wife, not whether she is a virgin. A friend of mine divorced his wife and married a single mother of two for peace of mind. That is what matters in any marriage.
“Let me shock you, men are even avoiding women who claim to be virgins because of the challenges involved. My wife was not a virgin when I married her, and I do not see it as a problem. After all, I was not a virgin when we got married either. If society wants women to remain virgins until their wedding night, the same standard should apply to the men they marry. In reality, virginity has nothing to do with a peaceful home. I wonder why this issue is coming up in this modern age. Why should bride price be tied to virginity? Many young women today are not even proud to say they are virgins, because times have changed. What I am certain of is that a man must be ready to pay the bride price to the parents of the woman he chooses to marry, anything beyond that is immaterial.”
‘Paying bride price for virgin brides only, good for our culture’
Speaking differently, a man in his seventies, Mr Morakinyo Adaramola, explained that the suggestion of paying bride price only for virgin brides is a good idea, although he questioned whether it could be achieved in the present generation.
He said: “I am one of those who believe that a woman should remain a virgin until her wedding night, but it seems the idea is no longer working among today’s generation. Most of them do not even understand why they wear a white wedding gown. It is expected that on the wedding night, they consummate the marriage, and the bride loses her virginity to her husband. The white gown is then stained with blood as proof that she was a virgin. With this, the bride’s parents are praised for raising her well and receive gifts.
“If the idea of paying bride price only for a virgin bride is upheld, it will go a long way in encouraging young women to preserve themselves for their future husbands. Though difficult, it is achievable. Parents should talk to their children, while religious bodies and traditional rulers should also be involved in the sensitisation, so that our young women can understand the value of entering marriage as virgins.”
Losing virginity before marriage cheats future husband
Sharing a similar view, marriage counsellor, Mrs Ebunoluwa Oluranti lamented that many young women lose their virginity at an early age. According to her, many now consider preserving one’s virginity outdated and believe that one sign of maturity is losing it while still young.
She said, “To me, not entering marriage as a virgin is cheating your future husband, who will pay for what another man has already enjoyed. Although I support the idea of paying bride price only for virgin brides, I doubt its practicality. For instance, the husband must have paid the bride price on the wedding day before the wedding night, when it would be confirmed whether the bride is a virgin or not. Unless we want to support premarital sex, which is the only way the husband can know beforehand whether or not the bride is still a virgin.”