Damilola Akinmolayan
& Ayodele Popoola
|
Traditionally, marriage comes before pregnancy but in recent times, there seems to be a turn in the tide as people appear to have made a shift to pregnancy before their marriage.
Some men due to various reasons are now of the opinion that their fiancee must first be pregnant to go into marriage with her.
It is also observed that men do not trust the 21st-century ladies anymore to the extent of getting married to them without having any form of sexual intercourse to confirm their fertility while some want to know their sexual prowess in others to confirm their compatibility.
Some men are of the school of thought that they need to see what they are about to pay for especially where marriage is costly “see and buy” before they venture into it because of the wayward life most of our ladies are now living.
The Hope interviewed some people on their views, while some responded that there was nothing wrong with it and still held on to the traditional belief, others frowned at it from different standpoints.
Adedayo Joy, a Banker submitted that if should be the wish of her fiance, she is in support. She said if that is what will solve the problem, why should she refuse.
Her words: “Pregnancy is a gift from God almighty, and children complement a happy home. So, I will gladly get pregnant for him if I love him. If he is demanding for it. I know you may say it is not the way of the church, but I will do it to save my heartthrob from any unforeseen danger, after all, he wouldn’t ask me to bear his child if he doesn’t love me.”
She added: “The man may not be asking me to get pregnant because he doesn’t trust me. No Maybe, he is the only child of his family, or he is from a family where children are very difficult to come by. So, don’t blame men who insist on pregnancy before marriage. In my own candid opinion, there is nothing wrong with it.”
Another respondent, Similoluwa Josiah, a graduate and a mother said some men see it as an assurance of marriage and it is also a way men could attest to the fact that their wives are fertile.
“Pregnancy before marriage depends on the man involved. In some cases it hasten wedding because some girls may not be ready and serious but immediately they are pregnant, they will have no choice but to be ready.
” It benefits are far more than the disadvantage especially when the two parties involved are serious about the relationship. In some cases some people would get married and start going to mountian, pray and fast before they start bearing a child.”
“Some men call for pregnancy before marriage because it is the only way that they could attest to the fact that their woman is fertile, they didn’t trust the 21-century ladies because of their promiscuity to the extent that they want to be assured that the lady still has a functional womb before paying her bride price because if after marriage they discover she is infertile or has no womb or damage one due to series of abortion of her negative past, they will need a divine intervention before the marriage would be fruitful.
Ufuoma Williams, an Entrepreneur in his contribution said she had been in the situation whereby her fiance mandated pregnancy before her marriage.
” I followed my husband wish and it helped our relationship because it later hastened our marriage.
” Though some men use it to scam women and make them single mothers and Baby Mamas. But for me, I got pregnant before my wedding but I thank God my parents already accepted my relationship with my fiance before the pregnancy.
“We dated for almost 2 years so the pregnancy fastens our marriage and we are living happily as a couple.”
On the contrary view, Courage Oyeto, a Pharmacist submitted that she was not in support of pregnancy before marriage though it was the wish of some men, claiming the idea to be wrong.
She added that most men have their reasons for wishing their fiancee to get pregnant before they tie the knot.
Her words: “Some men love to get their girlfriends or fiancee pregnant before marriage as most of them claim they want to be sure both of them are fertile because some ladies might have family history of infertility.
“Some do it for spiritual reasons probably based on advice from their spiritual fathers or Pastors/Imams.”
In the same vein, Faith Samson, a Marketer saw the idea of getting pregnant before marriage as a trick used by men nowadays to just have the carnal knowledge of a lady.
” It is equally very risky for the people involved. What if the man doesn’t eventually fulfil his promise or get to realise that he has impregnates another girl after impregnating me. what will be her fate?
“I consider that as a trick and that does not work with someone like me. If he loves me, he should be able to trust my ability and trust God for all other perfections.”
Tolulope Agbaje, a graduate said even though some men do asked for pregnancy before marriage she however said it was not the will of God. According to her, the Christian faith is against the idea of sex before marriage, not to talk of going as far as getting pregnant.”
She added that some men have variant reasons for doing it.
“It might be their norms and beliefs or their family tradition as we have different traditions in Africa culture. Also, it might be the effect and impart of ladies immorality that is now prevalent in our era. The rate at which ladies abort pregnancy which might eventually lead to the removal of their wombs is increasing on daily basis. So men no longer trust.”
Also, Tajudeen Jinadu, who will get married to his fiancee in a couple of weeks, agreed with Agbaje by stressing that it was better to abstain from sex before marriage.
He said, “Among some tribes if the lady has not proven her fertility by being pregnant before her wedding, the family will not accept her. Which I believe is very wrong.
A psychologist, Mary Alabi in her contribution responded that being pregnant before marriage comes with different experiences someone can never tell. She also attributed it to one of the ways men now deceived ladies for intercourse.
” I have seen many cases involving young men who merely proposed to ladies just to have sex with her with the impression of her being pregnant before marriage and later regretted it.
“It becomes worst when the man decides not to accept the paternity of the child if he suddenly changes his mind. That means the woman has to take care of the pregnancy alone. That is why single mother is more in oursociety today. “