With Josephine Oguntoyinbo
Marriage remains one of the most cherished institutions in every society, yet it is also one of the most challenging. As society evolves, family relationships continue to change, requiring couples to adapt to new realities. While love often brings two people together, maintaining harmony in marriage demands understanding, trust, sacrifice and the willingness to establish healthy boundaries with extended family members.
Many marital conflicts today stem from misunderstandings over priorities, particularly the relationship between a husband, his wife and his mother.
In recent years, the rising number of divorce and separation cases has become a source of concern. Marriage counsellors attribute many of these breakdowns to poor communication, interference from relatives and the inability of couples to define their roles clearly. Experts believe that while parents deserve honour and respect, they must also recognise that their married children need the freedom to build independent homes.
Family observers noted that mothers, in particular, sometimes find it difficult to adjust after their sons get married. Having devoted years to raising their children, some struggle to accept that their role has changed. Although their advice may be well intentioned, excessive involvement in a couple’s affairs can create unnecessary tension and misunderstandings within the home.
Marriage experts further explained that every stage of life comes with changing responsibilities. A mother plays an irreplaceable role in nurturing her son from childhood to adulthood, while a wife becomes his life partner after marriage. As children are born, a couple’s attention naturally shifts towards raising their own family, just as their parents once focused on them while building their own homes.
Many counsellors maintained that a successful marriage requires a husband to develop a close emotional bond with his wife. This does not diminish the love and respect owed to parents. Rather, it acknowledges that marriage establishes a new family unit in which husband and wife become partners who share responsibilities, dreams, challenges and decisions throughout their lives.
Placing a wife among a husband’s highest priorities helps to strengthen trust and emotional security. When spouses feel valued, respected and appreciated, they are more likely to build peaceful homes where children can thrive. At the same time, caring for ageing parents should remain a lifelong responsibility, provided such care does not undermine the stability of the marriage.
To understand public opinion on the issue, Feminine Line spoke with individuals from different walks of life on whether a wife should take precedence in a married man’s daily life while maintaining respect and care for his parents.
A marriage counsellor, Mr. Badejo Olaoye, said many people deeply love their mothers because of the sacrifices they made while raising them. However, he stressed that marriage introduces new responsibilities.
According to him, every married man must “leave his parents and cleave to his wife,” explaining that this biblical principle does not mean abandoning one’s parents but rather establishing an independent home built on mutual understanding and commitment.
A businesswoman, Mrs. Roseline Abayomi, observed that no woman enters marriage with the expectation of being neglected. She said wives desire not only love, but also reassurance that they occupy an important place in their husbands’ lives. According to her, consistently placing one’s mother ahead of one’s wife in matters that concern the marriage can leave a woman feeling undervalued, frustrated and emotionally isolated.
She further explained that many wives initially tolerate such situations in the hope that things will improve, but persistent neglect may eventually damage trust and intimacy. In her view, every husband should treasure his wife as his life partner and treat her with the dignity and affection she deserves.
An entrepreneur, Mr. Oladapo Daramola, also supported the need for balance. He described a wife as a man’s present and future companion while acknowledging that parents must never be forgotten. He added that emotionally mature mothers usually encourage their sons to love, respect and support their wives, recognising that a peaceful marriage benefits the entire family.
A teacher, Mrs. Taye Olaniyan, recalled that marriage vows require a husband and wife to love, honour and remain committed to one another. She said every mother should appreciate that her son’s primary responsibility after marriage is to build a stable home with his wife. She also noted the biblical teaching that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing,” emphasising the importance of nurturing the marital relationship.
Sharing a similar perspective, a retired civil servant, Mrs. Ope lgbasan said many wives make enormous sacrifices by leaving their families, adapting to new cultures and embracing different traditions to build a new home.
She noted that while mothers also make great sacrifices in raising their children, wives continue that legacy by nurturing the next generation. According to her, parents should be cared for with love and respect, but they should not dictate how their children’s marriages are run.
Ultimately, strong marriages are built on mutual respect, communication and clear boundaries. Honouring parents and caring for them should never be abandoned, but neither should the commitment made to one’s spouse.
When husbands and wives work together as partners while maintaining healthy relationships with their extended families, they create homes filled with love, stability and hope. Such homes not only strengthen families, but also contribute to a healthier and more harmonious society.