With Josephine Oguntoyinbo
Marriage is one of life’s most significant commitments. While a wedding ceremony lasts only a day, marriage is a lifelong journey that requires patience, understanding, sacrifice and genuine love. Sadly, many people only realise the pain of marrying the wrong person after they have exchanged their vows.
In today’s world, many people rush into marriage for the wrong reasons. Some are attracted by physical beauty, financial comfort or social status, while others bow to pressure from family, friends or society because they believe they have reached the “right age” to settle down. Unfortunately, these reasons alone cannot guarantee a happy marriage.
The excitement of courtship and glamorous wedding celebrations often fades, leaving couples to face the realities of everyday life. It is at this stage that true character becomes more important than appearance, wealth or romantic promises.
One of the greatest signs of marrying the wrong person is constantly feeling misunderstood. No matter how often one explains their intentions, words are misinterpreted, leading to frustration and emotional distance between husband and wife.
Another painful reality is experiencing loneliness despite being married. Sharing a home with someone who is emotionally unavailable can be more heartbreaking than living alone. Marriage is meant to provide companionship, not isolation.
In unhealthy marriages, little misunderstandings quickly become major disagreements. Peace gradually disappears from the home, and tension replaces joy. Instead of looking forward to returning home, some spouses dread the atmosphere waiting for them.
Respect is another casualty of a troubled marriage. Hurtful words replace kind expressions, appreciation gives way to criticism, and gradually the bond that once united the couple begins to weaken. Without mutual respect, love struggles to survive.
Many people suffer quietly because the person they trusted most has become the source of their pain. Instead of encouragement, they receive insults. Instead of support, they experience neglect. Instead of loyalty, they face disappointment and betrayal. Yet, many continue to hide their pain behind smiling photographs and cheerful public appearances.
Marriage should never feel like imprisonment. A good marriage should provide emotional security, comfort and friendship. Home should be a place where both husband and wife feel respected, appreciated and safe enough to face life’s challenges together.
In a chat with a marriage counsellor, Mrs Tola Famuyide, she advised intending couples not to allow emotions alone to determine such an important decision.
To her, while love creates attraction, it is wisdom, maturity and shared values that sustain a lasting relationship. Couples should take time to know each other’s beliefs, goals and expectations before making a lifelong commitment.
She strongly recommended premarital counselling before marriage saying that such sessions allow couples to discuss important issues such as finances, communication, conflict resolution, family responsibilities and future plans.
“These conversations help both individuals understand themselves and each other better”.
She further warned against ignoring red flags during courtship.”Habitual dishonesty, uncontrolled anger, emotional manipulation, disrespect and abusive behaviour should never be dismissed with the hope that marriage will automatically bring about change. Serious character flaws rarely disappear without genuine effort and professional help”.
The counsellor equally encouraged young people to be patient in choosing a life partner, noting that It is far better to postpone marriage than to rush into a relationship that lacks trust, respect and emotional stability.
“Waiting wisely is often less painful than living with lifelong regret”
Therefore before saying “I do”, every intending spouse should carefully observe how their partner behaves when angry, treats people who have nothing to offer, accepts responsibility for mistakes and honours family commitments. These everyday actions reveal character far more than expensive gifts or sweet words.
Love remains an essential ingredient in every successful marriage, but it cannot stand alone. Without respect, trust, patience, forgiveness, effective communication and understanding, even genuine love can gradually fade under the weight of constant conflict and disappointment.
The choice of a life partner is one of the most important decisions anyone will ever make. Rather than being influenced by beauty, wealth or public opinion, men and women should choose someone whose character inspires confidence, whose presence brings peace and whose values reflect kindness, honesty and commitment. Choosing wisely today may be the difference between a lifetime of fulfilment and years of silent pain.