Dear reader,
I am delighted to welcome you to today’s interesting edition of Relationship Matters. This week, I hope you will learn one or two lessons from the cases of Olukayode and Olugbenga, and gain insight into how to handle similar situations should you ever face such challenges.
Warm regards.
With Ronke Fadimilehin
Dear Aunty Ronke,
Please, I need your advice on what to do about the situation in my broken family.
My parents had two children, my sister and me, and they separated when we were in junior secondary school. We are both now undergraduates at different universities.
After an argument one day, my mother took us with her and moved to another town the following week. She took all my father’s belongings before he returned from work. My sister and I begged her not to do it, but we could not stop her because we were afraid to challenge her.
My father searched for us and later found out where we were through one of my mother’s cousins. When he came to visit, my mother refused to let him into the house, saying she was done with him.
He made several trips to beg her to return, but she refused. He even involved her father, since her mother was late, but she still refused. She claimed that my father’s income could not meet the family’s financial needs. My mother is an accountant, while my father is a teacher.
After some months, my mother filed for divorce, and they officially separated. At first, she allowed my father to see us, but later she stopped him completely. She also forbade us from speaking to him on the phone.
My father has since remarried and now has a set of twins, but my mother has remained single. I have pleaded with her several times to allow us to see our father, but she keeps discouraging us and even threatens to disown us if we contact him behind her back.
I have involved her father and some of her cousins, but she remains firm in her decision. I am confused and do not know what to do. We really miss our father and long to have him in our lives again.
Please, what should I do?
Olukayode.
Dear Olukayode,
I can feel the pain and confusion in your words, and I understand how difficult this situation must be for you and your sister. It is never easy when parents separate, and it’s even more difficult when the parents are unable to maintain amicability for the children’s sake.
From your letter, it seems your mother still has a lot of resentment towards your father. This may be because of how things ended between them, and it is unfortunate that her anger is affecting you and your sister, who are both innocent in the matter. Whatever happened between your parents should not prevent you from having a relationship with your father.
You have done your best by involving your grandfather and other relatives. Since your mother has refused to change her mind, I advise you to remain respectful and patient with her. Do not argue or speak harshly, even when you feel upset. Keep showing her love, and let her see that reconnecting with your father does not reduce the love you have for her.
Now that you are both adults in university, you have the right to know your father and maintain contact with him. You may reach out to him privately, but do so with wisdom and respect. Make it clear that you only want peace and a father’s love, not to take sides in their past problems.
Pray for your mother’s heart to get softened and continue to handle the situation calmly. With time, she may realise that holding on to bitterness only hurts everyone involved.
I wish you strength and peace of mind as you deal with this matter.
Aunty Ronke
Hello Aunty Ronke,
Please, I urgently need your advice about my family.
I am a young married man, married for four years. At first, my home was peaceful and happy. My wife and I welcomed both sides of the family warmly.
But I began to notice something strange. She treated her siblings with love and special care, yet always complained whenever my own siblings visited. I ignored it, thinking I was overreacting.
Then something shocking happened.
One day, I overheard her telling a friend that she planned to stop my youngest sister, who is still in university, from visiting us by framing her. I could not believe it — until I saw it with my own eyes.
I caught my wife secretly putting her gold necklace inside my sister’s bag while she was in the bathroom. I quietly removed it.
The next morning, she accused my sister of stealing the necklace and insisted we search her bags. My sister cried and kept denying it. That was when I revealed the truth and told everyone what I saw.
My wife was exposed.
Since that day, my home has not been the same. My sister refuses to speak to me and says she will never visit again. My wife is begging for forgiveness, but I am deeply hurt and confused.
I do not want to involve our parents, but I do not know what to do.
Please, ma, how do I handle this?
Olugbenga
Dear Olugbenga,
Thank you for writing about your situation so clearly. What you described is very serious and painful, and anyone in your position would feel shocked, hurt and confused.
Honestly, what your wife did is not a small issue or a simple misunderstanding. It is not just jealousy or favouritism. It is a deliberate attempt to frame your sister for theft and sabotage your relationship with her.
It is a very serious accusation that could have damaged your sister’s reputation for life. If you had not seen it yourself, your sister might have been disgraced or even treated like a criminal. So, this matter must not be ignored or brushed aside.
Firstly, you need to understand that trust is the foundation of marriage. Once trust is broken, the marriage becomes unstable. Your wife’s actions show deep resentment towards your family and a willingness to lie and harm an innocent person. That dangerous behaviour must be addressed firmly.
I advise you to have a calm and very serious discussion with her. Make it clear that what she did is unacceptable and must never happen again. Ask her honestly why she feels hatred or threatened by your siblings. It may be jealousy, insecurity, or past issues she has not talked about. If the root cause is not addressed, the behaviour may repeat itself.
Secondly, set clear boundaries. Let her know that your siblings are your family and they will always be welcome in your home. Marriage does not mean abandoning your family. She must respect them just as you respect hers. There must be fairness on both sides.
Thirdly, you must repair your relationship with your sister. Call her, apologise sincerely and reassure her that you believe her and that you protected her. She needs to feel safe again. If possible, visit her in person. She is hurt and embarrassed, so she may need time, but do not stop reaching out.
Regarding your parents, you are right to avoid involving them for now, since it may create more conflict. However, if this behaviour continues or becomes worse, you may need the help of elders or a trusted family member. Sometimes a third party helps people see the seriousness of their actions.
Finally, forgiveness is good, but forgiveness does not mean pretending nothing happened. Your wife must show genuine change through her behaviour, not just words. Watch her actions over time. Real repentance is consistent.
A peaceful home is built on honesty, respect and fairness. With patience, firm boundaries and open communication, things can still improve.
I wish you wisdom as you handle this.
Aunty Ronke